“The weakest of all weak things is a virtue that has not been tested in the fire.”
-Mark Twain
It’s one thing to act virtuously and not know any better, quite another to remain so when aware of the options.
On Being Truly Virtuous
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Category Archives: Humor of Mark Twain
On Watching Your 401k Too Closely
“He is now fast rising from affluence to poverty.”
-Mark Twain
Unmatched is the speed with which all illusions of growing affluence disappear into oblivion.
Don’t look. It won’t make you any richer.
On How, For the Good of the Country, One July 4th per Year Isn’t Enough
“Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than in all the other days of the year put together. This proves, by the number left in stock, that one Fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so.”
-Mark Twain, Pudd’nhead Wilson’s Calendar
Pass me that M-80 would ya’?
God Bless America
On Honesty and the Tax Man
“There isn’t a rich man in your vast city who doesn’t perjure himself every year before the tax board.”
-Mark Twain
Many a tall tale will be told today.
On Statistics and Their Value
“People commonly use statistics like a drunk uses a lamp post; for support rather than illumination.”
– Mark Twain (attributed)
95% of those polled think I’m a genius. And statistics never lie.
On Governors, Morals, and Ladies of the Night
“Morals consist of political morals, commercial morals, ecclesiastical morals, and morals.”
-Mark Twain
Strangely, it is not unique. That men wear on their sleeve’s the morals that they preach, but not the morals that they actually live by. Often it leads to self-destruction.
That’s why it is often best to steer clear of those that shout their morality too loud, for they likely know all too well of what they speak…
On Experiencing True Cold – And the Strange Things That Happen When You Do
“The captain had been telling how, in one of his Arctic voyages, it was so cold that the mate’s shadow froze fast to the deck and had to be ripped loose by main strength. And even then he got only about two-thirds of it back.”
-Mark Twain, Following the Equator
It’s more than “a chill”. When it gets cold, arctic cold, funny things happen. It’s a kind of cold that hardens and bites all it touches. The very air you breathe turns crystalline, like fine beads of tiny white diamonds.
Everything turns to ice if you’re out in it long enough.
Even your own shadow.
Photo from the first edition of Following the Equator – Source: TwainQuotes.com
On Accepting Compliments and Liking It
“I do not make any pretense that I dislike compliments. The stronger the better and I can manage to digest them.”
-Mark Twain, speech, “The Last Lotos Club”
Do go on.
Really, though, enough about me…
How was I?